A Cough Like No Other (Yes, I said “Cough”)

What is the nation coming to? Honestly…

Authorities said Thursday they have charged a man with assault on a government official after an officer said the man coughed into his face during a traffic stop.

“He says I coughed into his face,” Kauffman told The News & Observer of Raleigh. “But that would only work if he had a four-foot-long face.”

What a perplexing tale. An officer claims that a man coughed on him, leading to a possible jail sentence (and an "assault on a government official" accusation")? I don’t get it. Did Kauffman cough in efforts to intentionally spread an infectious disease – the bubonic plague, perhaps?

Sure, he may have coughed when the officer bent down to ask for registration, but don’t most cops remain upright? What police officer do you know who actually bends over enough to give the individual inside the vehicle the opportunity to cough into his (or her) face? I thought officers were careful enough to avoid any unwanted contact with civilians, especially considering that erratic individuals could pose unforseen dangers.

While there may be some credit to the claims, I have my doubts. Needless to say, Kauffman should by no means have a plausible sentence hanging over his head.

Kauffman said he developed a cough after his dog died last week.

Talk about bad luck (not to mention needless information present in a seemingly unbelievable news piece).

As a result of the incident, Kauffman faces a misdemeanor charge and may spend up to two months behind bars if he is convicted.

There’s a real victory for jurisprudence! First, a woman sues McDonald’s because her coffee was too hot and now this. Let’s hope the citizens of Morrisville, North Carolina feel safer knowing that the “Coughing Daemon” has been paused dead in his tracks, foiling his ominous plot to spread his head cold around the globe! Ridiculous. Scratch that. Redonkulous.